You're Fired

Today, I fired Eska.

I mean, I think I was justified: she is terrible at her job. She doesn't bark when strange people enter or exit the house. She kisses rather than hisses at delivery men she's never seen when they come and invade her space. She runs for cover (usually behind me) anytime she hears a loud noise or walks beside large, imposing machinery. She ineffectually chases mice when they crawl out of her food and onto my kitchen table. Actually. I mean, ok, she scares them back into their little mouse holes, but that doesn't help either one of us.

I gave her her pink slip today and wished her luck with her search. She really is the weakest link in this equation.

Free-range Existence

Eska and I have entered week 2 of free-range existence (ie, I am no longer crating her during the day in an attempt to see if a perceived increase in trust (mine) can lead to a reduction of excitability (hers). So far, not bad: yesterday, she only got at the potatoes, and not even, really -- she only pulled the bag out from under the counter and played with it a little bit. She didn't even BITE into any. Jeez.

This time last week (or a little earlier), I came home to ten pounds of flour scattered allllllll over my apartment; I'll take mangled potatoes.

She's a weird girl, really. The other day, she just dragged a bag of mine into her crate with her, for fun. She didn't even do anything to it (that I can notice) - I assume she just sat on it.

I mean, there's got to be something I'm missing. Flour, purse, potatoes. What's the missing link?

Miss Fatness USA

Recently, I decided I would attempt taking Eska on runs again. The last time I tried was January, before the mountains of snow fell, and it went disastrously: she pulled and dragged and still managed to get distracted and I more than once almost lost my footing (and, by association, my face). Saturday, I tried again, and Little Miss Eats-Everything-in-Sight (the Second -- she takes after her mommy) couldn't keep up. We had to keep stopping because dragging her along was becoming a nuisance. I mean, ok. I have been "training," if yu will, while she hasn't. Still, it simply cannot be the case that my mediocre regimen is so effective that I have become Miss Fitness USA in 3 months. No. my girl is just fat and out of shape.

I am putting her on a diet.

Today, we tried again and she fared better: she only petered out toward the end, right before the cooldown (conveniently right after my hot neighbour with the killer legs in his little shorts sprinted by us, leaving us to eat his dust. Most of me wishes she'd just given up before, so our pitiful pace could more easily be attributed to her weakness and not mine).

No more peanut-butter for three weeks. Grandpa will surely spoil her soon enough, anyway.

Try This at Home

We almost play this anyway.


Eska and I participated in the Maryland SPCA fundraising March for the Animals this past Sunday (yesterday) and there got acquainted with what I think is a brilliant spin on an age-old crowd-pleaser: musical chairs ... for dogs!


Step 1: play music
Step 2: stop music
Step 3: get your dog to sit

Last dog to sit gets OUSTED! Ha!


I am going to play this with Eska every day. And then I am going to practice other commands like "down all the way" or "give a kesh" or "ZITTA!" What are the chances any of this will take?

ANTM - dog edition + owner

Because, Michel, you asked for them:

Nap-time

Peek-a-boo

Jamais deux sans trois

Today, Eska and I added a third game to our usual repertoire to complete the set. We call it "Howareyougonnageddit?" -- the logical third part to a trio begun with "Gooandgeddit" and followed up with "Immunnageddit."

This is what it looks like (pictured): I leave you to imagine the basic premise and execution.

She is not so good at this game, but she is learning.

March for the Animals

Because I feel the need to post this EVERYWHERE (for maximum exposure) and because the Montreal SPCA may or may not be reading, subsequent to Michel's passive-aggressive e-mail about the status of his (problem) dog:

http://www.marchfortheanimals.kintera.org/eska

Please lend (us) your support today! The walk is April 18, 2010, and we hope you can join us in spirit if not in person or in bills.