To: JHU Frat boys (jhufrat@jhu.edu)
Dear Frat Boys,
Thank you for the massive slice of pizza you were too drunk to finish and left for me right outside The Marylander. It really hit the spot. My new owner, she tried to pry it from me, but I had it in my maw like a vice-grip. Poor asshole. She thinks she can train me with this cookie bullshit. Fuck that. Why would I take her lame-ass cookies when I can eat your pizza?
Anyway, just wanted to say my stomach and I appreciate your generosity. I look forward to more of your leftovers.
Lots of love,
Eska
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